Wizard Rifle, part 20: FINAL

July 6, 2012

The tour was over.  Arcata was the last show.

We had a really early breakfast with Sam’s uncle and cousins.  His uncle told us how pissed off Grandma Ford was at the Arcata Hotel for screwing us over the night before.  Sam’s cousin told us he’d tried to do some modeling.  Sarah and I both thought he should get his ass to a big city.  He was clearly bored where he was.  Sarah and I split a big pancakes plate; Sam and Max split an omelette.  We lulled around afterwards, then took off north.

We got into Oregon, went through Grant’s Pass to get from 101 to I-5,then went straight up.

Except for one detour… which took two hours.  Sam the Idiot wanted to get his antique bobble, but our way was blocked by big fucking river with not-working ferry.  So we had to find the nearest bridge, which was way back down in Salem, a good while backtracking.  We got it.  He was pleased… but he never said sorry.  The detour was an epic culmination of a sort.  We were so close, and yet we were held up.  And I would blame fate – surely it’s just fate that is keeping my desire from being realized.  But no, it’s always other people.  No grand finale, no grand return.  Just a wet impasse.

I loved my time on the tour, but this isn’t the time to express my gratitude and ruminate on my luck.  We unloaded in Portland, Oregon at the practice space, then got a ride to the Pearl where we checked into our swanky Condo we were housesitting with Ian for the next several days.  It was heaven.  For a day or two.

And then it was time to call a spade a spade, see big things to their logical conclusion, and then grow up with a humor that’s sharpened by suffering, all while realizing that the meaning of life is other people and everything else, all of whom and all of which I will love first, and best.  Ah-men.

-for Tuesday May 15th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 19: Arcata

July 6, 2012

This was possible the best day of the tour.  My words won’t do it justice.

Sarah and I woke up in the Andrews Hotel.  We took some continental breakfast (which was served on our floor, nicely) and enjoyed the Frisco Botanical Garden right there in the room.  Sam and Max asked if we wanted to go see Haight-Ashbury, but we opted not to.  They picked us up from a nice coffee shop right nearby at noon and we said goodbye to that golden city.

We crossed the Golden Gate Bridge and opted to take Highway 1 up the coast.  I didn’t know it was just an incredibly curvy road, which we couldn’t go more than 30 miles an hour on.  We stuck with it for awhile, even stopping at a beach.  It was an overcast day, but everything was so blue and green and warm that I wasn’t worried at all.  We were all warm ourselves, with joy that is.  After getting some gas in a small coast town north of Bolinas, we went back inland to Highway 101.

It was less beautiful, but faster.  It still took us into the heart of the Redwoods.  Before that, we pulled off and checked our oil in a church parking lot.  While Max did this, and shot some hoops (with a basketball we’d had the whole trip but never used), Sam got the telephone number of an antiques shop south of Portland.  He called them and made a reservation for a bobble.

The drive through the Redwoods really was nice.  We had been listening to Black Sabbath’s Volume 4, but switched over to Harvest by Neil Young.  I said “Heart of Gold” was today’s theme song, and we cheered when he said he’d been to Redwoods.  After that we did After The Gold Rush, which Sam and I go way back with.  We sang along to most of it, and really did it for “Birds,” which I got misty to and I’m not ashamed.

We got into Arcata and had a meal at Sam’s grandmother’s, with his uncle and cousins around.  Then we got a text from Nate saying we were late to the show.  Sure enough, I’d been emailed about it weeks ago.  I’d dropped the ball.  I told him we’d fired the tour manager.  We got to the place, the Alibi, which was interesting.  It looked like a white bread dive bar, but it had all these crazy paintings, especially the bazaar one in the girl’s room of these men washing the feet of Nubian princesses.

The boys played well.  The next band wasn’t worth much to me, so we loaded the gear up and Sarah and I slept in the backseat cuddling.  We were only interrupted twice, once with them thinking we were making love.  But it really was sleep, for it was in the wee hours.  It was a truly lovely time.

We got to the hotel, except they wouldn’t honor the reservation.  Apparently, the card holder needed to be there.  It was really fucked up, but the man at the desk was steadfast.  I hear he got fucked up by Sam’s grandmother later.  It was a really stupid, sort of senseless policy.  What happened was we paid to sleep there.  It was alright.  I think we got refunded later…  I think.  Mm.

-for Monday May 14th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 18: San Francisco

July 6, 2012

We ended up sleeping at Noah and Emily’s in Berkeley, CA.  I was tired and feeling flustered, but I managed.  I’m uprooting bad memories just writing this.

Sam was gone, he went for some walk.  We found him and Max and Noah got some coffee at a shop nearby.  Sam was on the phone with a friend of his mother’s – Auntie – who was hooking us up with a nice free hotel.  I came to find it was two hotel rooms – one single for Sarah and I, one two-bed for Sam and Max.  Also, while on the phone, Sam was accosted by a surprisingly insane sane man who was angry at him for talking on his cell phone.

We went into San Francisco – it was beautiful.  We checked into our hotel, the Andrews, then went into the Mission.  They ate some tacos, we looked at record stores, and I tried to have fun, but I was being inhibited – by myself.  We settled on a hill Dolores Park.  It was Mother’s Day; I called mum.

Sarah and Nicki met up with us, and Noah and Nicki parted from us shortly thereafter.  It was again the core California foursome of Sam, Sarah, Max, and I.  We walked up a great big hill to get to Auntie’s.  It was a grueling climb, but a glorious household, and I wish I’d captured more of it.  Auntie gave us jellies and a pot brownie, then we drove to the sushi joint.

I don’t remember the name of it.  I wish I did.  Auntie and her hubby showed their affluence beyond just having a nice house…  They fed the four of us an eleven course meal that never stopped coming.  It lasted multiple hours.  They said you’re remembered when you tip well.  I’ll keep that in mind when I’m made of money.  Auntie talked about how they’d just been traveling; I think they’d just returned from India, which gave her and Sarah much to discuss.  Also, I recall the bathroom being the most digestive room I’ve ever been in.  Finally, we had to tear ourselves away.  I’ll miss them.

We arrived at Knockout, owned and operated (I think?) by Samuel’s godfather, who was an old badass.  The show was fine.  Bryce showed up.  Not many people purchased anything, and the sound was kind of shitty.  Sarah and I ended up taking off early to go back to the hotel.  I personally thought San Francisco was and is a beautiful city, and I’d never really known their food to be round and round exquisite until this very trip.  Despite any heart murmurs I may have been having, I still fondly remember how sweet it was to be there, and I hope to visit again soon.

-for part of Sunday May 13th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 17: Oakland

July 6, 2012

Where was I…

I didn’t spend as much time in Los Angeles as I would have liked, but I wasn’t particularly impressed, and my spirit was twisted and beaten to such a measure where I wasn’t sure if I had any heart left to enjoy it.

We awoke at Max’s sister’s and had juice and some stuff.  It was decided that Sam, Sarah and I would go to Venice Beach while Max and sissy-poo and other friends would go off and do what they had to.  Slowly the plan was brought into fruition.  I don’t know if I had an inkling of how long it’d take to get to West LA but, surprise, it was a long drive. Sam seemed agitated; he was worried about getting to Oakland late.

On the beach, Sam and I had a nice heart to heart about sorrow, anxiety, and the future.  It was one of several we’d had before.  Sarah disappeared for a little bit, but we found her later.  The day was gray but warm.  Our time was sadly short, but I actually felt okay.  There was a deep pain inside of me that I couldn’t shake.  We made our way to the car, linking up with some disgusting body builders and some ex-NBA tryouts.

We drove slowly across town, under the finally-emerging sun to where Max’s was, at a restaurant called Philip’s (I think).  We picked him up, said goodbye to Sister Dameron, and drove off talking about five cent cups of coffee.  We stopped at a In-N-Out Burger, where we did not break down.

Then it was goodbye LA–

–hello to the San Fernando valley, hello to endless fields, hello to playing CONTACT and hello to another In-N-Out Burger, which we also did not break down at.  Probably because they thought we were of their kind.

We pulled into Oakland somewhat late.  The show was already underway, but Wizard Rifle was last.  We loaded in and Sarah took off with her friend Nicki.  I hung around at the show and we crashed at Noah’s.  I have no strong memories or opinions or feelings of that night, except for this vague and secretly totally identifiable rage in my breast, which I’m declining to divulge so as to protect myself from ridicule from myself for making myself known to strangers who might rubberneck here at any point.

-for Saturday May 12th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 16: Los Angeles

May 25, 2012

Miki poked her head in in the morning, and whispered the plan.  Something about how she was going out, going to be back, Dave would be around, that we’d get a ride to the auto shop on time, etc, etc.  I remember her voice being gentle and soothing. It reminded me that I’d been around unsavory characters for 15 days, and that I was desultory.

Eventually the fellas got up and we hung out with Dave.  It was Dave’s birthday.  We wished him heartily.  We all talked about UFOs and Area 51, Dave’s military service and how Hurt Locker was bullshit (I knew it!), and metal vet Dave Mustaine’s drug habit.  A common conversational theme since we watched Some Kind Of Monster in Birmingham was how Dave Mustaine his a huge douche bag for crying over how he sold 15 million albums in Megadeth instead of 90 million albums like he would have had he been allowed to remain in Metallica.  In addition to these conversations, we also consumed Eggo waffles.  And I took in their beautiful, beautiful house.

We got a ride from both Dave and Miki to the auto shop.  We rode in their huge, huge Tahoe.  I’m not an SUV lover – quite the opposite.  But after 15 days in the van, I did my best to bask in the luxury.  And being desultory, I tried to take it like Lil’ Wayne: “Fuckin the world and I ain’t cum yet.”  On the way, both Miki and Dave agreed with me that Beatles > Stones.

Long story short: we got the van.  But the nice auto shop ladies advised that we not drive it over 65 miles an hour.  And the keys wouldn’t come out of the ignition.  We found this out down the road.  They advised via phone conference that we pull the gear shifter up way hard (it was the kind you pull up and down next to the ignition, as all Town & Countries do).

I texted the appropriate parties that we’d finally escaped Tucson once we were outside of the city limits.  I wanted to be sure even if we broke down even a mile down the road that my words would still be true.  But that didn’t happen.  We got passed Tempe, passed fucking Phoenix, passed Arizona into California.

The drive was about nine hours.  It was hot as shit.  The desert was dead, little towns we drove by were ghost towns with structures made out of rotting wood.  There was no escape from the heat, and I just kept lathering my body in sun screen.  It was like driving through a thermal-nuclear apocalypse.

We got into L.A. listening to Radiohead of all things.  It was an unsettling soundtrack, and downtown L.A. at night looked more like Gotham City than I’d ever seen Manhattan look.  I’d only been to L.A. when I was nine years old or so.  I have very little memory of it, and besides, I think most of my time was spent in Irvine or some damn part of Orange County.

In brief: We saw Max’s sister / met up with Sarah.  The show happened.  I hurt my back headbanging.  We slept at Max’s sisters.  There was four of us now.

I wanted to feel like this but instead I felt like this:

-for part of Friday May 11th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 15: Tucson

May 24, 2012

I awoke in the Western Inn in South Tucson.  Sam, of course, was gone, and I had a text message from him that he was at some café nearby.  Probably talking to his missus and shooting up black tar heroin.  Max eventually awoke and got a call from the auto shop.  Sam may have been back by this point.



The nice folks at the auto shop said that the transmission was fucked and they’d get a used one from a junkyard and replace it.  The cost was going to be $1600, which (being sensitive about sharing too many details of Wizard Rifle’s finances…) obliterated everything they’d ever made.  Max gave them the go-ahead.  Then we checked out and walked forlornly to the center of town, catching a bus once we’d walked halfway.  On this walk, we (Sam, I believe it was) hitched a new fangled plan.  We would play the Tucson show that evening, then drive all night to L.A.  Somehow, despite the forlorn, it was agreed upon.



It was going to be a shitty day.  We were all stranded, we had been just in reach of our wish-fulfillment, and the coffers were being emptied with one fell swoop.  The town was hot, but not unpleasantly.  South Tucson was a bit oppressive, but the downtown area had some shade from things like buildings, that stood tall and had insides.

We spent noontime in the Shot In The Dark Café, a café named after our fate that day.  Max talked to Nate and a few others and everyone advised him not to pay to have a new transmission in the van.  The advice was just to get a new van.  Our lunch hours were frittered away in calm, agonizing desperation.



Really though, it was mostly Max’s, and I say this as a credit to him and a discredit to Sam and I.  Sam wandered off, probably to talk to his missus and shoot up black tar heroin, and returned with a dress – nice of him to think of resourceful spending.  I walked downtown Tucson a little and ordered a macaroni salad and an orange from the Shot In The Dark, both of which were delicious.  Max was on the phone with countless craigslisters selling vans of varying quality, along with Nate, other folks in Portland, and his sister in L.A. to tell her we were going to drive all night.

Although there were a lot of calls made, the van buying didn’t occur – it never did.  It might have been the better option as far as reliablity, but the timing was wrong.  The auto shop had already started the repairs, and we were worried they felt like they were being jerked around.  The idea we pitched to them was that they buy our van off us, possibly for free.  It was all logistically too much for one afternoon; or too much for us, at least.  There were no guarantees in any van we ended up with.  So we bowed our heads and submitted.



With a few hours to kill, we walked around downtown.  Sam was leading us somewhere, and I gave a shit until I found out it was an antique shop.  He’d been rummaging through antique shops in the towns we’d been to since the beginning.  I thought it curious at first; I hadn’t known him to be into antiques.  I’d since learned that it wasn’t even for him, and that little else that he did was either.



We didn’t find the antique shop, bad directions and bad Sam-orientation led us northwards, and, after trying an orange hanging from a tree (it was super sour), we settled on 4th Ave.  We’d heard it was a good part of town to hang out.  I was entertained.  Max decided to sit around in Epic Cafe on 4th & University.  He said he’d seen enough of Tucson.  Sam went wandering for the antique shop.  I went wandering just to see things.



The area was covered with murals, many psychadelic, and yet there weren’t a lot of bonafied hippies or “artsy” types.  Just folks.  I began listening to In The Aeroplane Over The Sea again hoping for that clarity that’d washed over me before Las Cruces.  It was soothing but not altogether clearing.  I found a man playing classical guitar outside of a bookshop.  I gave him some money and asked if I could sit by and listen, which he nodded to.  He was good, except he kept playing a few jazzy, poppier numbers, which I’m not inherently opposed to; just that the classical ones were really doing it for me.  It made me wish I had classical music on my iPod instead of the fucking bullshit that I don’t know why I have.



Eventually I parted ways with the guitarist.  I asked him if there was anything cool to do around the area since I was basically stranded, and all he said, in a very soothing voice, was, “They got good soup there at Bison,” and pointed to a building.  He also listed some bars; he said no much happens in Tucson and he just liked playing some pool and drinking cheap beer (and yet he was oddly dignified as he said this).  I went into the bookstore.  Only two minutes later, I came back out and founds the guitarist gone.  Then I saw him a few minutes later on the street, and I was pretty sure he tried to avoid my nod.

Back at Epic Café, Max was killing time.  I joined him and we read a really great interview with Jeff Mangum that I found on Pitchfork, which I love in all ways but one – Jeff Mangum is a worrier; it comes out in his songs, it comes out in his person (at least in the interview).  I was breathing okay though, the van was going to be done at 5:00 that evening.

Sam met up with us, and Max took off for the auto shop.  I loaned him my iPod for the trip since he was going solo.  I had a talk with Sam about the dour future, and it went alright, I guess.  I don’t think that anybody can win, but I was thinking about the middle ground when it comes to the future – the pass between two hellish mountains.



Speaking of: I talked to Sarah on the phone and that cheered me up.  I told her we were planning on driving all night to L.A. and we’d be there in the late morning probably.  Something was amiss though.  I was in such a pit of anxiety – and not even feeling bad at that very moment – that I knew rolling into L.A. feeling like post-dumping Soren Kierkegaard was probably going to be a dour future in itself.

Sam took a call from Max outside.  He was gone long enough that I knew we were in Fucktown – still; again.  Sam returned, and with every philange crossed, I gave him a bodily gesture to lay it on me.  He gave me two big thumbs down.  Said the van wouldn’t be fixed until noon the next day.  And now, if we were still playing the show that night – and we were – we didn’t have much time to figure out how to get our fucking shit from the fucking van to the fucking place.



Sam and I walked to the venue with the intent to call the venue proprietor – “an honorable man” according to Nate.  Call him I did, and he said, with a voice that seemed old and drugfried, that he was still in Sedona doing whatever people do in Sedona, that he wasn’t going to make the show, that he sort of knew a guy in the first band who might have a van (who worked at a pizza shop; I could google the pizza shop and call them to try and get his contact info).  He asked what the trouble with the van was, but, despite sounding nice, he didn’t really care, and gave me a “huh!  Too bad!  Good luck!



The man at the venue was the proprietor’s brother.  He was the one that had seemed so aloof yesterday.  I came to find that it was just his way – a little slow and distant, but welcoming in a way that was his own.  It was annoying making calls trying to get our gear with him standing around watching, but whatever.  I called the pizza joint – Rocco’s – and eventually got a hold of Rocco of the opening band – Stinkfinger (yup) – who said he could do it (or was it maybe he could do it?) and that he’d be bringing a pizza.  But Max then called and said he got it figured in time for me to tell Rocco we didn’t need a ride.



Max showed up with folks from the auto shop driving a truck with the gear in the flatbed.  We unloaded it and the auto shop folks took off.  Rocco showed up and I shamelessly dived into his Chicago style “kitchen sink” deep dish, and it was.  Fucking.  Amazing.  The man at the venue also supplied some ratatouille type dish, which was good, but not filling.  Some salad was also present.  And some dame dropped off cookies.



For full disclosure on what a turncoat piece of shit I actually am, all too willing to prove my critics right – I tried to escape.  It was indecent.  And I failed.  That is all that’s worth mentioning on the subject on an open forum.  I sat at the merch table eating cookies like a fatty while news fell over the room that Stinkfist’s bassist hadn’t arrived yet, wasn’t answering his phone, that this was very out of character for him, that cocaine’s a hell of a drug, and that women are distracting.  So Wizard Rifle only played.



It was a cool venue, the people were nice, they supported the cause of beginning to rebuild the band savings, etc etc.  But the alternate universe where we skipped Tucson and spent a day enjoying that warm California sun was undoubtedly the better universe.  Unquestioningly.  This one’s made of curve balls, dramatic irony always working against the beholder, and weird shit in the food, like this weird calcium addative, pale and mysterious atop my orange juice, jiggling disconcertingly in the friction of the cabin of this airplane carrying me back to New York City.

The finest part of the evening was Miki and Dave.  They were a married couple that Nate knew and had gotten a hold of.  Dave had told Max way too late that he could have fixed the transmission for a couple hundred bucks – a real heartbreaker.  And while that kindness couldn’t be taken up, they did offer their place for the night.



It was a beautiful house in northeast Tucson.  This was the first married couple we’d stayed with who weren’t family, and the first house we’d stayed at that wasn’t a shithole in some weeks.  I think.  They had space and hospitality in spades, and I won’t soon forget how neighborly and selfless they were.  We were comfortable and set for the night.


-for part of Thursday May 10th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 14: Tempe (NOT)

May 21, 2012


We were sleeping at this guy Jay’s.  It was an alright place, with some minor oddities.  The shower was in the kitchen, almost every door was a sliding door, there was a mysterious loft that Sam slept in.  These were perhaps just odd because of how quickly we were in and out of the place.  We packed up and drove off, first to a US Bank, then to get a coffee.  We were at this coffee joint for a long time.  I was actually sitting in the van, chatting on the phone with Ian.  And the boys weren’t in the coffee shop, they were off talking, I predict it was about the dour future.

We got an oil change, and as we studied our route we realized something.  Our show that evening was in Tempe, which is right near Phoenix.  The next night’s show was in Tucscon, which was actually 100 miles in the wrong direction – because the show after was L.A.  We wondered why it was this way – and we confirmed that there was indeed no error.

Then I figured: since there was no guarantee in Tucson, and since there was just a potential to lose some money and time in that backtrack, why don’t we cancel the Tucson show, play Tempe, and then just blast into L.A.  There was a flutter of thought about this, followed by an enthusiasm, and a joy.  The previous shows had been rough on the boys, as well as for me, for a variety of reasons.  Max called Nate and asked about it.  After a few minutes of negotiating, it was a done deal.

Everyone was more ecstatic that I’d seen them on the entire tour.  Which isn’t to say it’d been an unhappy time all round.  But the idea of our desires and the coming events actually coinciding or coalescing was incredible – we’d taken the reins of our journey.



Nate then got ahold of me and tried to talk me back into doing the Tucson show.  He gave me some compelling reasons.  Like that if we needed an off-night, Tempe was the one to cancel.  That the Tempe guy was a flake.  That the Tucson guy was an honorable man.  That it was an awesome, exclusive (elitist?) art gallery that he’d been trying to book for a long time.  That Sam could have a great connection with his visual art.  It was all considerable, so I said I’d talk to the guys about it.  He made a quick quip about how it was more important than seeing my girlfriend in L.A. a day sooner.  I was sure I’d been misunderstood from afar.  All I could do was shrug about it.



Sam and Max and I talked it over, long and deep, and decided we still weren’t going to play it.  I reported on what Nate had said, then tried to stay out of it because it wasn’t my decision to make.  But Max was almost more adament not to play than I was; I had my desires, but he seemed very willed that we were going to get to L.A.  But we told Nate that we’d take a look at the venue anyways, just out of good will (and we needed to make it look like we wanted to play the show, to foster a good relation for potential rescheduling).



We pulled off in Tucson and immediately hit an In N Out Burger and went to the drive-thru.  Max was saying it was the greatest fast food experience anyone can ever have.  And it would have been.



But the van broke down in the drive-thru, about halfway between the ordering radio and the food window.  The manager was stumped, he’d never had to deal with it before.  He was a cool guy though.  He shut down the drive-thru and comped the food.  We used our last Triple A call to get the van towed.

Joe was our tow truck driver.  He took us to a place right nearby, which was closed.  He said that this was no neighborhood to leave the gear in – it’d be gone by morning.  This was South Tucson.  So we went to a hotel where we could load out – a Western Inn just down the street.  But he got another repair shop on the horn that could take the van into a garage that night.  So he towed us all the way to the other side of town, talking about how he trusted these people, and how he only ate organic, local, free range meat.

We were told that we couldn’t get an estimate until the following morning, but that it was definitely the transmission.  This is the kiss of death.  We got a ride to the venue from one of the guys at the repair shop, who blasted “The Ocean” by Led Zeppelin, and made at least some of us feel better.

At the venue, we encountered… nothing.  It was a cool looking place, but we found that the “honorable” proprietor was in Sedona for something going on in Sedona to do.  The guy there was very slow talking and seemed very aloof about our troubles.  I thought we were going to ask if there was a place to stay, but the boys seemed coy about asking.  So I did, and got a very aloof answer from the guy there.  It wasn’t “no,” and it wasn’t really “I don’t know” – it was something far more useless; so much so that I don’t remember.



So we wandered down Toole Street to the Congress Hotel and looked into a room there.  It was a little out of our price range, but we got some leads on other spots.  There was a nice hostel nearby that was $40, but Max didn’t want to take the tiny room.  So we set our hearts to walking back to South Tucson, to the Western Inn.



In downtown Tucson, we asked a girl about good places to eat.  She recommended the Iguana Café.  It was really shitty, but we thought eating Mexican food in Arizona would be a political statement.  It wasn’t anything at all.  It really pissed me off.

So we walked three miles or so to the Western Inn.  Sam was on the phone with his girlfriend and Max and I had a talk, which was really pleasant and refreshing, though I don’t remember what it was about.  One part consisted of thus:

Sam, on the phone with his girlfriend, is basically a narrator for the events that have just happened, since he’s catching her up to speed.  I said that I wished he were an infinitely wise sage who would narrate the events just after they’ve happened, but reveal and expose the deeper meanings to them.  The deep drives behind the behaviors and the exact ways in which the transmission failed right when we were going to win.  All I wanted was telos for this.  But he could not, in reality, provide them, neither to his girlfriend, nor to Max, nor to me.


-for Wednesday May 9th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 13: Las Cruces

May 21, 2012

We awoke early to catch the continental breakfast that was supposed to end at 9:00 in the morning.  I don’t know what the emotional consensus was, but the breakfast was literally made up of Hostess cakes and Sunny Delite.  We grabbed a bunch and took them to the car.  Max had an idea – I think he’d gotten it from Andrea – to hit up a Holiday Inn’s continental breakfast.  I’d also done the same with one in Portland when working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car.  We did this; it was not very good.

After passing the Alamo, which was relatively nearby, we set our GPS for Las Cruces.  We got on I-10 and it told us to keep going for 500 miles.  So we drove out into the great wide open, and into a rain storm.  And there, about where I-10 meets 290, we ran out of gas.  We pulled off onto 290, thinking it was Fredricksburg, but we found out Fredricksburg was 49 miles off.

We waited on the side of the road in the rain for Triple A, and in that time we shat and pissed, and felt prudish and laffy.  The man came and gassed us up with nine dollars worth, enough to get us to Junction, Texas.  Sam informed us that we had one more free Triple A call.  We would need it.

We got back on the road with Sam driving, Max sleeping, and I riding in the back.  The weather cleared up.  We hit Junction and refueled, I bought a comb at a general store, and we went through a thrift store.  Back on the rode, Sam and I put on Rust Never Sleeps and I had some kind of life epiphany about myself and my life since 2005.  That was a good feeling.

Eventually Sam got tired so I took over driving.  Driving through the beautiful Texas countryside, parallelling the border of Mexico, with deep, heavy clouds off to one side or straight ahead, I put on In The Aeroplane Over The Sea and had another sort of epiphone about sex and its meaning. Part of the revelations came out of a rush of clarity – I’d been sad and anxious the night before, and I felt in that moment that everything was going to be alright.  I just needed to focus.  It meant a lot to me, except one other thing dragged me down a bit, and would prove to drag me down further in the coming days: Jeff Mangum is a worryer.

A toppled semi to further my meditative transcendance.  It was blurry in real life too.

We drove through El Paso in a colossal thunder and lightning storm during rush hour.  Visibility was only a few feet and I was stressed, but we pulled on through.  Not long after, we crossed over into New Mexico and I believe into Rocky Mountain Time.  It wasn’t long after that before we rolled into Las Cruces, AKA Hell (only sort of).

We couldn’t find the venue.  The address we got was a dojo.  There was some kind of art space nearby, but they didn’t know where the venue we needed was.  We sat around in that area of Las Crucus, which was far from beautiful aside from the tremendous rolling clouds in the sky and several rainbows.  Nate was telling us it was some practice space.

Somehow, after asking someone, somewhere, we found out that it was a door on the side of one of the warehouses marked only with an ‘X’.  We found it, but no one was there.  After waiting a little longer, patience running thin, sure we probably weren’t getting free meals or making our guarantee, someone pulled up.  It was another band, Vampirates.  We talked with them for awhile, then went to find food.

It all hit me at once.  The hunger, the lack of nutrition (all that junk food), being upset about this venue, lack of alone time, and weird anxieties all came in at once.  I was on the phone with Sarah after doing some grocery shopping for a simple meal, and I realized it.  I had to cut the call off and eat something.  I felt awful for ending the call so soon.  She’d just gotten to Los Angeles and had had a great day.

Dinner was hummus and shit in the front seat of the car.  Then we drove back to the venue and loaded in.  I was surprised that it was just one room that might fit 100 people in it, but it still smelled like every other practice space I’d ever had.  I was crawling out of my skin, just like the night before.  All the clarity of the drive, and my commitment to focus, had burned off.  I tried to talk to Sam, but he had to call his girlfriend.  I tried to talk to Max, but I found I could only speak in vague abstractions.  So I told him I was going to take a nap, and did on a couch while the bands played.

Wizard Rifle played and I sat behind their merch table post nap, and I sold nothing.  A girl that was traveling with Vampirates sat next to me drinking vodka from a big gulp.  I wanted to kill myself, after poking the big gulp with a  pen.  We found a place to sleep – at the first band’s house, where the second band was also staying.

I called Sarah again and smoothed things out, apologizing from cutting the conversation off.  It was a nice, tender conversation.  I followed it up with a kitchen shower and a bed with Max.

-for Tuesday May 8th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 12: San Antonio

May 20, 2012

I awoke in the Omni hotel by a text from Sam saying he was in the café.  I wandered down while Max slept, and there Sam and I talked about how sometimes we felt like the world is ending when we put our minds into a state of vulnerability and then things go to shit.  True then, very true now.

Eventually the three of us checked out, and grabbed a bottle full of Agua Fresca (muy fruit-tastic) from the lobby.  We took the van to a Firestone to get the bad tire patched and put back on.  We then traveled into East Austin and had the greatest tacos on Earth from a cart on E 6th Street.



After an iced coffee, we went to Barton Springs and had a swim.  We felt like chumps for paying because we saw a free spot right near the pay-to-swim pool.  But we can’t unring a bell, so we swam – poorly.  The whole place really was more populated than these sexy pictures might lead on:



After a little basking in the sun, we sallied forth to a post office, a few shops on South Congress (which I thought sucked, check out the pictures, and if you see Max, guess what he’s doing in exhibit A):



Then the we headed to San Antonio.  It was only a little over an hour.  The city looked fairly decent heading in.  Down on the street, it was a little less flattering.  We showed up at the venue – Night Rockers Live.  The man at the venue seemed utterly perplexed at there being any show at all there that night.  But, weirdly enough, he seemed down for it.  He just wanted to talk to our booker after he went and got some “supplies” (i.e. cigarettes; car took a shit that morning).  We got a hold of Nate and found out that the show had een moved.  Apparently I’d been sent something about this (I found it later while digging through texts).  The Night Rockers Live guy was humored and relieved.

The new venue was Korova and we headed over there.  It was a big empty room right near downtown; basically in downtown; and the people there had the band soundcheck.  We had a hotel and they gave us directions (which proved to be confusing).  We checked in and the guy at the desk mentioned that Rammstein was coming through soon.  I almost felt a pang of sadness to be missing it.  He also mentioned a good Mexican restaurant being in the middle of downtown, which wasn’t too far away.

We drove there, and I’m pretty sure it was closed.  But we found another Mexican place nearby called El Mariachi.  It was like something out of a dream.  The food was pricey, and I should have gotten what they got, but I was too cowardly to conform, so mole it was.



We returned to the venue and watched the two opening bands of metal Monday in San Antonio.  The crowd was made up of about seven people – either band members or band girlfriends – in a room that could have fit maybe 600 people (and had probably never been filled before).  I didn’t understand why one of them rammed home the fact that Pantera was from Texas before they covered Pantera.  Whatever.  There was one guy who’d driven from Austin to see the show.  I asked if he’d caught the Austin show too and he said he hadn’t, which I thought was strange; he had a reason I can’t remember.



It was a lonely, lonely night, and in that space, I lost a little piece of my mind.  The despair wasn’t lost on the boys either, as Max demonstrated when he rapped his way through “Organ Donor Song.”  He would not have done it unless he was staring deeply into the abyss.  The show was over, and two enthusiastic fans sidled their wobbling asses to the door with nary a glance towards my money making machine.  The house speakers blasted Alice In Chains as we loaded out, and, done with our wretched night, we finally hit the hotel.  We had but a few hours before our long drive to New Mexico just ahead.  I slept on the floor… Sam was bedded.


-for part of Monday May 7th, 2012

Wizard Rifle, part 11: Austin

May 20, 2012


A necessary backstory is that the right-rear tire of the van was continually losing air.  That morning, we found it was a bit too flat to go anywhere.  So we called Triple-A hoping they would patch it up and pump it up.  Instead the guy that came just put the spare on.  It was a whole ordeal of taking the gear out of the back and putting it on the street.  He didn’t really do anything.  He was covered in confederate flags, so he was clearly a wife-beating piece of shit.  Sam might have called in asking for a flat change, which isn’t what we needed.  A Triple-A call wasted.

Josh saw us off with donuts and breakfast burrito in our hands.  He was one of the most standup hosts we had the whole tour, I believe – or at least what I saw of it.  We tried to get out of town but the GPS kept taking us in circles.  And as we drove in circles, another dour conversation about the future was had.  They were stressful affairs, full of a potential of misunderstanding and stringing-along.  But we rode on, and found the Texas between Texarkana and Austin held some pretty grassy landscapes, some pretty weird towns, and a whole lot of nothing.



We drove into Austin drenched in sweat and listening to Louis C.K. and laughing hard.  It was about 5 or 6:00, with the evening approaching.  We found no one at the venue, Red 7, so we took a walk.  We went to 6th Street where some kind of street fair was going on.  It was annoying – we wanted a downtown unencumbered by people and bullshit.  Some stupid bar had water and a broke-ass pinball machine.



We walked towards the river but never made it.  We were by the creek that runs through downtown, and found a nice park with an amazing tree for climbing, and a bathroom that was a castle.  I nodded as my own opinion formed – I’m not much for Austin.  It’s like Portland, with all its virtues and misfortunes.  The key misfortune being once it gets old, any town like it gets old also.  An anxiety, similar to one I felt in Memphis, set in.  I didn’t want to be there.  I wanted to get on the road again.



We went back to Red 7 and waited around a little while for some venue workers to show up.  They eventually did, and we loaded in.  We traded our drink tickets for buy out money and went two doors down to Koriana.  It was delicious.



The show was fine.  I think there was a decent amount of people and it sounded good from the outside.  My problem was that I was outside – the merch table was in some weird annex where people were smoking.  There was a big vibe of people not giving a shit about music either; there were a ton of people out there at all times.  I sold some merch to a very enthusiastic fan though – a young lady that talked the boys’ balls off after the set.  I was able to break up the monotony a bit with a call home.

I was feeling alright, but we didn’t have a place to stay.  For the first time, we Pricelined a hotel and found a cheap room at the Omni in the southside of town.  We loaded up and made our way there.  There was trouble in the lobby when Max tried to check in.  Since it was 2:00 in the morning, we’d made the reservation for that night; meaning the night to come.

While we waited, I went and looked in on a salsa dance in the ballroom, and stole a knife from the closed restaurant and made swandiwches of cashew butter and bananas and bread right in the lobby.  It worked out eventually, though Max was on the phone for awhile and Sam fell asleep right in the lobby by the frontdesk.  Our room was a three star hotel, nine stories up.

-for part of Sunday May 6th, 2012